Q:I share an office with another administrative assistant who makes me angry every day. Her behavior is really annoying. She brings in tacky childish decorations and "decorates" the office. When her husband calls her, she baby-talks with him. She types little pieces of advice and tapes them to her desk and file cabinets. She makes a lot of mistakes, and when confronted, blames them on the computer malfunctioning. We get a 10 minute break in the morning and in the afternoon, and she never leaves her desk-instead, she leaves early on Fridays saying that she saved up all her breaks and has put in her 40 hour week. I am so mad all the time and she is making me sick. And she seems to be completely unaware of how angry she makes me.

A:You probably won't like my response. But after you get angry with me, think about what power you will have over your life if you make some changes to yourself.

A person who makes you angry, controls you. But no one can make you feel a certain way. How you perceive a situation results in how you feel about it. So no one can make you angry. It's your self-talk that causes your angry feelings. I certainly understand how a person's annoying habits can get under your skin and cause anger, but when you look at what they are doing, it really isn't malicious behavior. It's a lot of little things that for some reason are annoying you. You are consciously or unconsciously judging these behaviors, and that's where your anger is coming from. So if you don't want to be angry, you need to change how you are thinking about her behaviors. Is it really that big of a deal that she brings in tacky decorations, talks baby talk, and blames her computer? Instead of thinking "how stupid she is". try to accept her behavior as just being human. No one is perfect, that's part of being human. If it really bothers you, talk with her. If she doesn't change, then just let it go as part of what you have to deal with to work. Type your own advice as a mantra to remind you during the day. If you let it go, you will feel less angry.

You can't change another person. You can only change yourself, how you respond to what you perceive.

If you need to vent, send me an email. I'm a good listener.

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