Codependency

Q: I am aware of an energy drain in my system. I have identified it as my codependent connection to my immediate family. For years, I misdiagnosed this condition as my unstable relationship with my former boyfriend. Now, I am ready to correct the real problem. I live with my parents and two brothers, since I left my boyfriend a month ago. I have a business here where I live, but many ties to my former home in another state. I am having heavy thoughts about leaving my business and starting over far away from my family, yet some external force is suggesting that is impossible. Do you have any advice for me on what that force is, and how to break these codependent bonds. I am 27. I need help.

A: Perhaps what you are feeling, that "external force" is part of your codependency. I'm happy to hear that you have recognized that you are codependent, and are thinking about your future.
You might want to think about why you want to start over again far away from your family. You write that you have ties in the other state where you lived, but are you "running away" instead of dealing with what you need to? If you are not feeling ready to make the move, then you are probably not ready. You might want to straighten your resources physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially before you make a new start somewhere else. At your age, you have a lot of future in front of you. Sometimes we don't know when we are ready to do something, but we do know when we are NOT ready.
If your codependency is related to alcohol/drug abuse, I would highly recommend that you find an Al-Anon group. Al-Anon is a free, anonymous support and education group for people who care about someone who is an alcoholic or chemically dependent. There are probably several meetings in your area, and if you go to one and don't like it, try another one, because it is a good support to help you recover from codependency.
There are many books available about codependency, and you can read them. However, you might also want to find a counselor who is experienced with codependency issues for some short-term counseling. If you are unable to find a counselor, or choose the convenience and privacy of online counseling, be sure to choose a counselor with appropriate credentials.
Codependency is a very difficult issue to deal with. You will need to learn to set boundaries for yourself, and practice assertiveness. If you can learn to deal with your situation even as you are living in your current situation, you will be able get your new start feeling stronger, more confident, and less likely to fall in the same pattern with your relationships.
I hope things work out for you.

Thank you for your question. I hope you will let me know your progress.

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