Dealing With Bullies

Q: My 10 year old daughter is being harassed by a bully at school. I told her I would call her teacher, but she doesn't want me to because she says that will make the matter worse. What can I do to help her?

A: Studies show that about 30% of children in grades 4 through 10 are targets of bullies, or bullies themselves. Bully behaviors range from name calling, threats, rumor-mongering, pushing and hitting, and can leave a lifelong legacy of low self esteem, depression, and behavior problems for all involved. Signs that your child is a target of bullying are faking an illness to avoid school, crying frequently, withdrawing, acting aggressively or self-destructive behavior. You can help your child learn skills to deal with bullying, and stand up for herself without fighting. Trying to handle the problem herself will give her a sense of power, confidence and control over the situation and her life.

You can practice some strategies with her, role play situations. Offer different approaches, such as ignoring the bully. Or try a non-emotional response that will put the bully off-guard, such as saying "why would you say something like that to me?".

Your daughter can keep a journal of all the things the bully says and does to her to. After a couple of weeks, she can take the journal to her principal and talk to her about the bully, giving her the journal with the evidence to support her case. If she is not taken seriously, then you will have to step in.

A bully can be very sneaky, always keeping the abuse out of the vision of adults. Documentation and witnesses can be very helpful to getting the problem resolved.

I know you want to respect your daughter's wishes to handle the situation by herself. If you feel you still need to contact the school anyway, ask that your child not be identified and talked to, but rather ask that the bully be better supervised.

Congratulations on helping your daughter learn to deal with bully behavior on her own, You are helping her learn skills that will help her throughout her life.

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