Q:Several years ago when my husband died, you helped me with the internet counseling dealing with all the grief. We had been married 42 years and he died suddenly from a heart attack. You were very understanding and spent a long time "listening" to me pour out my heart. He was my dearest friend and soul mate and his death left my empty. I will always remember you told me that one day I would wake up, and it would start getting easier. It was almost impossible to believe that, but it's true, and I thank you for giving me that hope.
I still keep his photo by my bedside, and tell him about my day and how much I miss him, and say goodnight to him. I don't think it's unhealthy, but it gives me comfort. My love for him is still very much alive in my heart. Although I have moved on with my life, doing things with my family and friends, and enjoying my life, he is always in my heart. And it doesn't feel sad anymore. In fact, it is comforting to know I will always keep that love there. Sometimes I find myself smiling and sort of thinking to myself that I am sharing something enjoyable with him. But it's good!
The problem is that my friends keep encouraging me to get married again. I have a very close man friend who is also widowed, and my friends and family think there is something wrong with me because I do not want to get married again. They think I still haven't gotten over the loss of my husband, and that's what keeps me from wanting to get married again. But my marriage was a happy marriage, and the love I had for my husband was enough to last my lifetime, and I just want to keep those memories. I am happy with my life. I smile at memories of my relationship with my husband, not cry about them. I have a full and satisfying life, and feel like I will always be in love with my husband. Everyone keeps telling me to get married again, and I wonder if I am deluding myself by wanting to keep these memories and keep my love alive.

A: You had a satisfying marriage for 42 years. When your husband died, you discovered that your really can go on with your life. You are happy with your memories, and embrace them as you did your husband. We are told, maybe too often, that we need to "get on with our lives", meaning finding a different kind of love. But you have gotten on with your life. The heart is amazing, always expansive. You can love those both in this world, as well as those who have left it. In your own way, you still have your husband with you, in your heart. You can certainly keep your life happy cherishing that love, not feeling like you need to replace it. And it's not because you were once in love with him. It's because you still are.
Don't let yourself get pushed into anything that you don't feel is right for you. When it doubt, wait. Your answer will come to you.
Take care. Keep doing what you're doing!

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