Q: I know I need to make some changes in my life. I need to lose weight and get in better physical condition. I need to stop eating junk food. I want to improve my parenting skills, not just yell at my kids but use discipline that helps them learn, and is more effective. But I can't. There's so much I need to do to improve my life and I just can't get started. Everything I try fails. Please help me, tell me what to do.

A: Your problems are all important, and challenging to deal with, but I need to address your number one problem: your words are sabotaging you before you even get started. Positive thought and self talk can help you improve your life, but negative self talk can be your own worst enemy. The language you use affects what happens in your life. If you say that you can't do something, than most likely you won't. Negative language feeds negative thinking which in turn leads to negative actions.

As a counselor, I find this one of the most common problems in people coming for help, and one of the most frustrating to deal with. When exploring options, and I hear, "yes, I know but", "yeah, but", "I tried that for awhile, then it stopped working", and "I can't", I know that any progress is going to be difficult until the client realizes how this negative self-talk and thinking is hurting them.

The next time you find yourself saying something negative, STOP! Rephrase your statement with something more positive and encouraging. When you find your self saying:

• I can't, replace it with I can
• I should, or I'll try, replace it with I will
• I have to, replace it with I want to
• I always, I never, replace it with I sometimes

Positive words lead to positive thinking, which results in positive actions. Make a conscious effort to pay attention to your self talk, and make a more positive statement. You will find that you will have more power to make the changes you want to make. Let me know when you make progress with this, and then we can address your other issues. But you may find that you have found your own answers.

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