Pet Loss

Q: Our family had a dog, Tuffy, who died last month of old age and some medical problems. My wife and and I adopted him when we got married, and our two children grew up with him. Tuffy was like one of the family, going places with us, playing with the kids, watching TV with the family-just being there all the time. Even though it has been a month since he died, it is not getting easier for any of us to get over his death. The house feels empty without him. In fact, our lives feel empty without him. Our youngest son gets upset when we try to put his toys and food bowls away, and still keeps Tuffy's favorite rug in the living room. We are thinking about getting another dog, but the kids don't want another dog, and we all don't want to go through the pain of having another pet die. We didn't think we would take the death of Tuffy so hard. After all, he was just a dog, not a person.

A: It sounds like Tuffy was truly a part of your family, and you miss him terribly. A cherished pet who is part of the family is loved like any family member, and his death leaves a void in your home. Perhaps some kind of memorial for Tuffy will help you to validate your feelings and move on. Headstones for pets are available, and can mark his burial site so when you visit, you can feel he has been memorialized. Work together as a family to choose special photos of Tuffy for an album. If the children enjoy writing or drawing, they can include a short story, poems or pictures. Keep this "memory book" in a prominent place for awhile. Perhaps your children could keep one thing to remind them about Tuffy in their room, then put the rest in a box and put it away.
The death of a pet is a good opportunity to talk to your children about life, death and dying being a natural part of the life cycle, and the grief that goes with it. This will help them prepare for future deaths of family members, which are inevitable.
Although another pet will never take Tuffy's place, it sounds like you have a void in your home. Perhaps it is time for a trip to the animal shelter. Maybe you and your family will fall in love with a pet that needs a home (and your home may need a pet!) It won't hurt to "take a look", you don't have to go with the idea of definitely adopting a pet. When the time is right, you will know.
You and your family have my condolences, and best wishes that you will get through this difficult time.

Thank you for your question. I hope you will let me know your progress.

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