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Trust: Whose Problem is It?

Q:My boyfriend and I have been together for four months. He told me he is still in love with his former girlfriend, but for many reasons their relationship would never work out, so they are still friends, and go out to lunch at once a week. I told him that I felt insecure about him still seeing her since they had been intimate in the past, and I worried they could possible get involved intimately again. He says it is strictly a platonic relationship, and I have no reason to doubt him, but I think it is unhealthy that he still sees her. He still chooses to spend time with her, so I had a talk with her about how it is unhealthy for both of them to try to have a platonic relationship. Now he is mad at me. Was I wrong to to be concerned about him still spending time with her?

A: No, you're not wrong to be concerned about your boyfriend spending time with a woman who he admits he loves. But you were wrong to talk to her about it. This is a concern you and your boyfriend need to work out, it's between the two of you, not between you and her.

It's certainly possible that your boyfriend and his former girlfriend can have a platonic relationship. But if you don't trust him to not cross the line, then you need to discuss it with him. And if you don't think you will ever trust him, your relationship together is not going to work out.

I urge you to either work out this problem with your boyfriend, but if you cannot, you need to consider breaking off the relationship because a relationship cannot be positive if there is not trust.

I hope this works out for you, and please let me know if you would like to discuss this further.

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