Q:I have recently moved into a small condo development after living in a home in a rural area. I am enjoying meeting new people, making new friends here. I am the kind of person who stays out of conflicts, tries to remain neutral, and tries to be cordial to everyone, whether or not I really like them. One of the first people I met is a woman about my own age who I thought would be interesting to get to know, maybe build a friendship. But this isn't going to happen, because she whines all the time. I have tried to talk with her to find out why she is so unhappy, and offered suggestions, but she never even tries to make her life better. She lives right across from me, and it seems like every time I go out, there she is. I really do want to be cordial toward her, but when I acknowledge her with a greeting, she just starts the whining, and I am stuck for a long time listening to her, and can't leave. Any suggestions for dealing with whiny adults?

A: Little kids whine to get attention, or to get something they want. If whining works for them, it becomes a habit and way of interacting. They become on of the "difficult people" that books are written about!
Since you don't want to have a friendship relationship with this person, you can still be cordial if you are tactful. You aren't going to cure a whiner, but you might be able to cure her of talking to you. Don't ask open-ended questions, not even 'How are you?' Limit your greetings to 'good morning' and 'good evening.' And be busy -- all the time. The words 'I'm sorry, I don't have time to chat right now' are your friends. Know them, love them, and use thThe whining is to get attention, and if she doesn't get it from you, hopefully she will stop trying after awhile.
Good luck. I admire you for your intention to be cordial. Sometimes it's easier to be unpleasant, and there is enough of that in the world. You contribute to peace with your intent and actions.

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