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Managing Misery at Work

Q:I've changed jobs a lot over my working career because people are so difficult to get along with. After counseling with Calm Spirit, I have come to realize that it's NOT always about other people causing ME problems, but rather that problems at the work place are just part of working. I learned that while I can't change the behaviors of other people, I can change my own response to their behavior. I guess I'm a sensitive person, because I get hurt a lot and I'm still very miserable. I would appreciate some tips on how to have better relationships with people I work with. And since I have changed jobs so often, can you give me some ideas on how to be more successful to perhaps get a higher position? I feel like I need to make up for lost time. Thanks.

A: You have taken a big step towards your emotional well being and being able to cope in the work place by realizing that no matter where you work, there will be people that are difficult to get along with, and you can't change them, but you CAN change what you do to deal with the situation. Here are some tips for you:

• Do stroke egos. All of us need compliments to feel good about ourselves. If you compliment everyone just a little, this goes a long way. People will trust you if you can see their good points
• Realize that everyone has been hurt. All of us have dealt with abusive people or hurtful manipulators. Speak to everyone in a kind tone of voice. People will value your sensitivitiy.
• Ask co-workers what they need. It's easier to become a leader at work if people think you are looking out for them. Considering the feelings and needs of others will help them stay open to your ideas
• Put success before drama. While it might be tempting to drag some big-mouth through the mud, don't. People who often get promoted don't have high drama going on in the work place. No matter what happens, try to avoid clashing with a weird co-worker.
• Have a healthy life outside of work. We risk overloading our work relationships if we don't have important relationships outside of work. A circle of friends relieves the strain. We can get obsessed with crazy co-workers if we don't have a circle of support outside of work.
  

I hope these tips are helpful to you. Try at least one, and let me know how you are doing. Good luck.