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Why Should I Forgive?

Q: One of my coworkers took credit for a project that I had developed and nearly completed. He finished the final work on it and claimed it as his. He received a bonus, and recognition from the management. He apologized, and told me that he really needed the bonus because of family illness. He wants to let bygones be bygones because we still have to work together. However, whenever I see him I feel rage and become really upset. This happened almost two years ago. I don't want to leave the company because I love my job, but it hasn't gotten any easier working with him. My friends and other coworkers tell me to forgive him and move on. Why should I forgive him? He deserves for me to be angry with him.

A: When you forgive someone, you don't do it only to make the other person feel better. The higher benefit comes from how YOU feel. The situation of you holding a grudge against him makes you feel very angry and upset, but it doesn't really affect him. And it is truly hurting you. It causes negative feelings which cause stress, and stress damages your body. Over time, this can lead to physical illness, including heart damage and depression.

Forgiving takes time. But you need to do it for yourself, not for him or anyone else. It's hard work, and you might want to meet with a counselor who has experience with "forgiveness therapy" for a few sessions. The counselor can help you confront your anger and understand your motives for hanging on to being unable to forgive. You might have an Employee Assistance Program at your work where you can find a counselor. If you can't find a counselor with whom you are comfortable working , please let me know and I will be happy to counsel with you about this.

Thanks for your question, and I hope you can forgive for your own well being.