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Relationship Issues-Agreeing to Disagree

Q:My fiancé and I have been engaged for two years. He is perfect for me, and treats my daughter from a previous relationship like his own. He has a good job, gets along good with my family, and we have a lot of fun together. The only problem is that I can't express my opinion if it is different from his. If our difference in opinion leads to an argument, he gets furious, then he leaves for awhile, sometimes as long as a week. Then he returns and refuses to discuss anything, and I am so happy he has come back that I do everything I can to keep the situation calm. A couple of days ago we had what started as a disagreement about our wedding plans, which lead to a big argument and he left again, this time swearing he was done with our relationship. I would do anything to get him back. How can I learn to keep my opinions to myself so we can have the perfect relationship?

A:A relationship in which you cannot express your opinions is far from being perfect. This kind of behavior is emotional abuse, mental battering. If you have discussed this situation with your friends/family, they have probably told you something similar, that this is not normal or healthy for a relationship. It has all the ingredients to grow into more emotional abuse, which may turn into physical abuse.

Perhaps you should take a look at your relationship while he is gone. And take a good look at yourself. What is it that makes you willing to accept that you can being emotionally manipulated this way? Do you really want to be in a marriage in which you can never feel comfortable to talk to your husband about everything and anything? And what if you disagree about something that is very critical and serious? Do you want to be in this kind of walking-on-eggshells relationship?

If you choose to learn to keep your opinions to yourself, you will build up resentments. That's something that as a counselor, I can't help you learn to do.

I wish you the best with your relationship, and please let me know how you are doing, and what you decide.

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