Ask Calm Spirit Counselor

Do you have a question you would like to ask the counselor? Click here to send an e-mail.

Am I A Fatalist?

Q:Everyone tells me I am a fatalist. I have no control over my life, and am cursed with bad luck. How do I know if I am a fatalist ? And so what if I am? I like being laid back. Anyway, what can I do about it?

A:Being too passive does have its down side. According to research, passive people are less likely to be healthy and happy. Women with a lower sense of control worried more about developing heart disease, breast cancer, and osteoporosis because they felt less able to prevent them. Here are some suggestions of things you can do that might give you more of a sense of control over your life.

• Complain if you didn't get what you ordered in a restaurant. Not only does complaining get you results, it also reminds you that in some small way you are commander of your life. Don't be aggressive, but learn to make graceful and assertive demands that will build your sense of personal control
• Make small changes in your work routine. If you usually go to lunch at noon, go at a different time. Or ask for different working hours if you need a change in time for your convenience. You can boost your sense of autonomy. Studies have shown that people who believe they can have more personal control over a situation at work have lower blood pressure
• Shape up. People who feel little sense of power need visible evidence that their own behavior makes a difference. A little weight training makes a big difference that you will actually see.
• Change your luck. Keep a journal of all the "lucky" things that happen to you in one day and how they impact your life. You begin to see that "luck" is actually something that you play a part in making, You might feel you were lucky buying an expensive pair of shoes on sale, but you made your luck by going to that store to shop.

There is a big different between being assertive and being a control freak. You don't feel good about yourself when you are passive, or when you are aggressive. If you're not sure about the difference, please contact me again and we can discuss this.

Home / Online Counseling / Ask Calm Spirit
Fibromyalgia / Hot Flash! / Migraine Headache
Reiki / Qigong / Gua Sha / Feng Shui
Chinese Herbs and Tea
China Travel
Ying Yu Chinese Jade