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Am I Being Manipulated?

Q:My husband and I vacation with our son and daughter-in-law each year. My son pays everything for us, and our only expense is if we buy meals when we are on our own. My husband thinks they are extremely kind and generous to invite us and pay for everything. Our young granddaughter also goes with us, so it's a real family vacation. However, sometimes I feel like the only reason they invite us is to get free baby-sitting. I told my husband I sometimes feel manipulated by this, because my son knows we couldn't afford the kind of vacations we go on together if they didn't pay for it. My husband thinks I am being unreasonable. I don't NOT like baby-sitting, but I don't want to be manipulated into being the built-in baby sitter. We do baby sit 2-3 times while my son and his wife go out by themselves. Do you think my feeling manipulated is unreasonable?

A: It sounds like there is more to this story than what you wrote. Perhaps something has happened in your relationship with your son and his family that seemed like manipulation, and now you are being cautious, sensitive.

Ask yourself: Would you be happier to go with them and baby-sit occasionally, or to NOT go with them?

And why does it bother you to give them the gift of time to have a "date", which might be a rare event even when they are not on vacation.

You could discuss with them before you vacation together about the option of you paying for a baby sitter while on vacation. But keep in mind they probably would like some time alone together.

It sounds like there are several dynamics going on in your situation. So you need to decide if you want to keep the vacation with baby-sitting as it is and just enjoy it, or "talk it out". While it's often good to talk things out, a consequence might be that there might be hard feelings and it may end your family vacation.

There's give and take in everything in life, and you have to decide what it is you really want, and realize there are consequences for every action.

Good luck, let me know how it turns out. There's no easy answer for this situation.

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