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Why does my child always ask "why"?

Q: My preschool son always asks for an explanation about everything! I hear "why why why" all day long. Is this attention seeking behavior? When I tell him to do something, I want him to do it and not ask for an explanation. What should I do?

A: A recent study about how children learn shows that preschool children need explanations about things they don't understand in order to learn. If they are not given an explanation they are satisfied with, they will ask again, or repeat the behavior that led to asking for the explanation. So it's not to seek attention or to prolong a conversation. Children want an explanation so they can get to the bottom of things. And so they learn.

But you do need to teach your child to do what you tell him immediately, because it can be a safety issue if they are asking "why" when they need to be responding to you. I suggest that you make a conscious effort to always give them explanations when they ask, but to let them know that first they must obey you. For example, if you see your child talking to a stranger and you tell them to come to you immediately, and they don't, then you must follow through with a consequence so they learn they must obey you promptly. Then when they obey you, as in the case of talking to strangers, explain why they needed to obey you immediately, and the reason why the should not talk to strangers.

To summarize: 1) first they must obey, 2) then they get the explanation.

You are the parent, they are the child, and you are in charge, and you can accomplish this with love and caring if you plan ahead how you will deal with the "why" questions.

Good luck. Let me know how things work out for you.

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