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Can I Trust after Betrayal?

Q. My partner and I have been together for 8 years. Two years ago he had an affair, told me about it and we separated. We really like each, love each other and have considered resuming our relationship and living together again. But can I trust him? Do I need to be watchful, vigilant, and look at emails, etc to be sure he isn't cheating again? I think I have accepted his apology and am ready to get back into the relationship, but I don't know if I can trust again.

A: Establishing trust after a betrayal is one of the biggest roadblocks for couples to overcome. Unless the person who has been betrayed can truly forgive and forget, it will be extremely difficult. It's relatively easy to forgive, compared to the forgetting.

If you find yourself sneaking around to find evidence of cheating, like checking credit card statements, and looking through email behind his back, searching social media on the internet to see if there is any evidence of infidelity, then you are not ready to resume a trusting relationship. It is a very rare person who can truly forgive and forget.

Couples counseling might help. It will give you the opportunity to explore your feeling about being able to resume your relationship, and give you insight into whether or not you can move on together. But if you can overcome the obstacles, then your relationship will be much stronger than before for having worked through the trust problems.

Best to you, and I hope it works out.

 

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