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How Can I Help my Child Cope with Tragedy?

Q. My six year old son cried so much when we heard about the Sandy Hook school shooting on the news. We watched some of the news and he told me he didn't want to go to school ever again. Two days later he didn't want to talk about the shooting tragedy, and Sunday night when I told him he didn't have to go to school the next day, he said he wanted to go and was going. How can he get over something so awful so fast?

A: He's not over it. Children process disastrous, painful events in small pieces, at their own pace. When they have dealt with all they can, they want to return to something normal. You might not hear anything from him about the shooting, then all of a sudden he will bring it up. Don't worry, that's normal for young children. Be open and willing to discuss it when he brings it up. And that process may continue for weeks, months.

It's comforting to children to be able to return to a routine when a tragedy occurs. He wants to go back to the normal school routines, for comfort, and to be assured that life goes on after disaster happens. That's how he learns to cope, be resilient. To insist that he stay home where you can protect him will cause him anxiety, although it might cause you anxiety to let him go.

His behavior is normal and healthy. Don't push him to talk about it, but keep the door open for when he needs to.

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